3 more beams to go

More of the same... but perkier this week. P came and stayed for a few days helping with the kids - much needed help for the body and soul!

More drugs - have upped the morphine, am taking it throughout the night now instead of when I am just awake. Skin is starting to crack and bleed (necratise? may be the official version) so have some more unguents to apply, but given I am three beams away from finished I think I am going to get away with bad sunburn on the outside more than anything else.

I am also now hungry and painfully aware of how central it is to socialising humans.

I am hungry but cannot eat, but I can sit there sipping my food supplement that tastes of flat petrol actively 'hating' people around me as they enjoy pizza, or oh! a cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit! Fuck me imagine enjoying a glass of wine!

More than anything I am convinced this is like childbirth except the really painful part is spread more thinly over 8 weeks, rather than concentrated in a couple of days or hours.

Everyone should do this, it is character forming.